pandemic summer feelings

living through the grief and stress of a pandemic isn't what elijah had his summer-loving heart set on.

this season is different for all of us, for many reasons. weathering everything together, figuring out new feelings and circumstances as a family unit, there are growing pains. i cry a lot and we're all getting quicker at making apologies.

some days we try pretending everything is back to normal. but we know there is no going back.

we're already halfway through summer! the heat is melting our brains and we're so thankful for ceiling fans. i planned a bunch of activities, even made a schedule, to help things feel fun and safe. we're banking memories with backyard treasure hunts, a tiny pool, water hose and minecraft marathons. peaches, popsicles and pancakes. sleeping in, walks at night and audiobooks. many good things.
smiles and joy.

many days the best we can do is take a nap, or hide under the covers and watch youtube kids like a potato.

life-changing history is being made. for our family, our world, our souls. and it doesn't feel safe. frustration and grief overwhelm.

this time is full of unknowns, hard news and loneliness. the burden of the world is felt and its weight is pressing us toward hope of what's next. imagining how things can be better than before.

as i've written previously, joy and grief can coexist. we can know real joy, finding pockets of sunshine and celebration even as we know anxiety and all the feelings. it's ok to not be ok all the time.

i want elijah to know it's ok to feel whatever he's feeling. we don't need to pretend. we can do summer a new way, even if a hard way some days, a together way.

our feelings are real but they might not be true. truth is, we are not alone. that's what we're setting our hearts on.